• I bought a huge mug at the dollarstore. It says Size Matters and has a ruler border. I love it sooo much. I’m eating soup out of it as we speak. 
• I can’t wait to watch Vampire Diaries Thursday. I’m dying to see what happens between Damon and Elena
• I’m buying Frankie a hoodie from American Apparel  They are sooo damn cute. They zip up and have pockets. Debating between black and pink. Probably pink, oh and my co-worker wants to pay for it, because she’s Frankie’s “godmother”, she loves her!
• Missed a call from my ob/gyn today, tried calling her back but the office was closed. I don’t know if he needs to see me or if he’ll just call the pharmacy to renew the prescription for clomid. Oh and George’s Semen Analysis results came back and everything is normal. So it’s officially me that’s the problem. Lovely.

I have the best, most supportive husband. He wakes me up every morning at 5:20am, he’s the one who takes my temperature and records the numbers every morning. He asks me how i’m feeling everyday. He asks me about my opks results, he looks at my chart with me, he’s just always there for me. This TTC journey has been so surprising, so much disappointment, so many tears and heartache. When me and him got together he never wanted children, he didn’t like them, didn’t think he ever wanted to be a father. Even when we got married he still said he didn’t want children. I knew he would change his mind eventually, we were still young and I didn’t want to pressure him into doing anything. In January 2011 we got Frankie the next day our godson Alex was born. On the long bus ride to go see him, we were both already missing our little Frankie, she was tiny and adorable and George had never been so in love. He held her and she loved him from the beginning, she was always a daddy’s girl! Anyways we were on the Mississauga bus he said to me, “you know, we should have a baby so Frankie and the baby could grow up together. I laughed it off. We met our godson and fell in love all over again. He was just amazing, so sweet, so tiny. When we got home, I went to take my birth control and he told me not to take it. Almost two years later and we’re still waiting on our turn. I know this is not what he expected, what I expected. Now we’re at the point where it’s four more rounds of clomid. After that where do we go? The doctor mentioned doing IUI, I don’t know much about it, if anyone knows about, or has experienced IUIs can you please message me, give me more info about it, the procedure, the cost, everything. 

Sorry this post has become longer then I thought it would be, I just want to thank all my wonderful followers and fellow ttcers, mothers, pregnant mamas, everyone who always sends me wonderful advice, words of love and support, hugs, smiles, I love you all, I don’t know what I would do without you guys! 

Lol I shouldn’t be laughing but I’m immature and it’s funny. So the husband and I got up at 6 to get ready to drop off his sample in Etobicoke, he’s getting ready and I’m wondering where he is, I open the bathroom door and he’s sitting there…well you know. I started laughing and told him it’s too early because his appt is at 7am. In case there’s some delay it might be over an hour and then the sample would be ruined. So he got ready and then 5 minutes before we were to leave I told him to go do it. It was super awkward, he put on some porn to help and I kinda just stood near him and waited, after a few minutes he asked me to leave the room. I went to my bedroom and started laughing. He finally finished and told me he was ready to go. We were both laughing at how awkward the whole situation was. 

So we dropped it off and got back home by 7:15, I had told him I would drop him off at work for 9:30. I decided to sleep an hour since I hadn’t slept too well last night. Kept having nightmares. When I woke up at 8:30, he was gone. I messaged him and asked why he left, and he said he rather have me sleep then drive him to work. I love him! So I went back to sleep until 10.

Yesterday he was so lovey dovey, he kept touching me and spooning with me and kissing me. He pinned me down on the bed and kissed me for a few minutes, and asked why we didn’t do stuff like that anymore. He’s so sweet! 9 1/2 years and we still got the magic! <3 <3

I took the husband out for his birthday last night. We had some all you can eat sushi and then went to go watch Resident Evil in Imax 3D. Defiantly a great night!

Even though I felt really sick throughout dinner, I was worried I would have to keep running to the bathroom but thankfully I didn’t have to get up once.

The movie was good, a little confusing and a bit I don’t know maybe campy? But all and all we enjoyed ourselves. The girl next to me had her eyes shut the entire movie it was hilarious. 

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Me and the hubby were talking about how much baby stuff costs from the bath stuff to wipes to diapers when he says” Don’t worry about diapers we’ll use cloth diapers, they’re better for the environment and end up costing less in the long run”. I said i’m still not sure if I would like to use them or not, and he was like” What would your Tumblr friends say if they heard that, I’m going to tell them”. 

This has been my random post of the day. Goodnight now Tumblr I have to be up in 4 hours. 

He saw this online and thought of us and saved it so I could read it!  I love him!!!!! 

He left for Vegas this morning and now I have to make something to eat, cept I have no motivation to do so :( But if i don’t he’s going to know when he gets back that I didn’t make anything that he bought for me to cook while he’s gone. 

If he wasn’t around I don’t think I would ever eat lol 

I was driving to work and I was remembering the turning point in mine and George’s relationship.We were 15 dating for three months and I wasn’t being honest with him.

*TRIGGER WARNING* for Rape and Abuse

The year before I had lost my virginity. I was on vacation staying at a relative’s house when me and this guy started making out he tried to do more, I said No, but he kept going. I was afraid and embarrassed about what would happen if i screamed, so I just kept my mouth shut and cried as it happened.

When I got back home I told only two people, Good Friends who I thought I could trust. Someone who I spoke to for at least 8 or 9 hours every night for the last year, we talked about anything and everything and would often fall asleep at 3 or 4 in the morning still on the phone together. Apparently he was telling his friends and everyone else things I would tell him. Pretty soon lots of people knew what had happened, even though no one ever came out and said anything to me, I was stared at and gossiped about and I started to get depressed and started to avoid going to school. I started crying all day, cutting myself and getting into horrible fights with my mother. I was mad about what happened to me and I was really mad at my mom because I knew I couldn’t confine in her. I felt I would get blamed because I didn’t do anything to stop him when I could have. 

Somewhere in between all this I started dating George who was friends with this guy. I remember feeling like I should call off our first date because I was terrified it was all a joke and his friends and him would all be there to laugh at me. Fast forward three months and we had been fooling around for awhile but I was hesitant to do anything past making out. He told me he was a virgin and I lied and said I was too. I felt like if he knew the truth he would leave me in a second. He would try to finger me or ask if he could go down on me and I would burst out crying and leave his house, I knew I would have to tell him soon. One day when he was over we were close to doing something and I stopped him and told him I had something to tell him. I started crying but somehow got it all out. He said he had heard about it at school but he wanted to hear it from me. I couldn’t stop crying while he held me. He got up all of a sudden and left the room, I thought he was gone forever, but a few minutes and he came back. He reached over and turned on my CD player and put in my Backstreet Boys Cd and put it on “As long as you love me”. For those of you who don’t know the song here’s the part he played for me:

Don’t care what is written in your history

As long as you’re here with me

I don’t care who you are
Where you’re from
What you did
As long as you love me

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it’s deep within me
Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run
It seems like we’re meant to be.

He said to me I felt this song could tell you exactly how I feel. Whatever is in your past I don’t care about, I just want your future. Over the next 3 or 4 years I would occasionally get flashbacks of the abuse and would start crying during sex, he would hold me, get us both dressed and just let me cry it out.

I couldn’t be any luckier then to have found such an amazing man to share my life with. I love you George more then life itself because when I thought my life was over you started a new one for me.